After my last post, a dear friend complimented my writing and my ability to always see that the glass is half full, but, at the same time, challenged me to be real for real, to allow myself to write about the pain of my experiences too without feeling guilty or ungrateful for my blessings. I’m never comfortable writing about the hurt that I can’t change. I’m also never comfortable writing poetry because I’m admittedly not very good at it, but this hurt is so raw that I couldn’t find sufficient words to describe it in prose. Some things are better left unexplained; poetry offered me that this time. I know I promised you a piece about Super Man and loving others, but I want to share this piece before I lose my nerve. To my challenger, thank you for giving me permission to hurt like this and still hold my head up – love you!

To My Girl

“You’re so aggravating!”
The new girl screamed it.
She doesn’t like me as much.
I wince, miss the past,
Shake my head to clear it.
I choke on the pain,
Cough up some patience.
“Please don’t yell,”
With my hand out, smile on.
She rolls her eyes, stomps her feet.
She can’t handle me,
Not since she handled the tree.
I miss her so much,
The other her.
Taken by tragedy and selfishness,
She was sweet smiles
And kind words only.
Now she leaves us wide-eyed
And hurting, silently.
Silent because her bark
Never negates her presence;
So glad she’s here,
Just not sure who she is.
But we’re sure of what:
Our miracle –
Broken yet so beautiful.
There’s hope in that pain.
She stares hard,
A sea of blue forcing her will.
I stare back,
Wanting and waiting
To get drunk on a flash
Of what used to be.
She gives a flash of anger instead –                                                                                                yanks my hand,
dizzies me with her changes,
And her rage.
Maybe her heart is broken too.
Maybe she too longs for what was.
Maybe the flashes which sustain me
Only enrage and confuse her
Because she feels them,
But can’t capture them.
Because she misses my girl too,
But can’t find her.
Did she leave that day?
Released forever on impact.
Or is she still here?
Trapped by a mind that won’t help                                                                                                 her be her again.
To my girl,
Wherever you are:
I will not forget you.
I will not stop loving you.
I will celebrate you in the flashes,
And mourn you in the darkness.
I will miss you,
always.
I promise to love our miracle,
Just as if she were you,
Because of who she is
And also who she isn’t.
And because I know you would too.
Please know,
If you are ever in need of rest,
I’ve saved a place just for you
In my heart.